Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

  (407): View more from Florida

  i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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  (561): hey can i ask you a kinda weird question? (407): i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery http://tfl.nu/88o8
  Replies (28) Good night (5463) Bad night (645)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.

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  (217): The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again. http://tfl.nu/eq2e
  Replies (26) Good night (7874) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.

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  (773): There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet. http://tfl.nu/w01w
  Replies (40) Good night (4472) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

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  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (10046) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.

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  (502): battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever. http://tfl.nu/blg1
  Replies (4) Good night (3893) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.

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  (978): So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease. http://tfl.nu/08pd
  Replies (18) Good night (1024) Bad night (6131)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.

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  (262): I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom. http://tfl.nu/hw22
  Replies (13) Good night (5659) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.

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  (440): i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too. http://tfl.nu/6m2a
  Replies (15) Good night (1235) Bad night (2920)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.

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  (443): The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that. http://tfl.nu/d0ly
  Replies (15) Good night (3853) Bad night (1250)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes

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  (717): They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes http://tfl.nu/nt6q
  Replies (4) Good night (1588) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

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  (770): All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all. http://tfl.nu/00r4
  Replies (13) Good night (3063) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.

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  (248): I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA. http://tfl.nu/2xdx
  Replies (8) Good night (443) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.

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  (651): I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas. http://tfl.nu/rih0
  Replies (2) Good night (518) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I have the starring role in a literal shit show.

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  (254): I have the starring role in a literal shit show. http://tfl.nu/1tyi
  Replies (5) Good night (277) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.

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  (847): Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly. http://tfl.nu/095f
  Replies (0) Good night (390) Bad night (283)

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