he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
