she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.