im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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