Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
R you on birth control?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!