But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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