I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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