Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
