Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
