kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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