Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
