highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
