Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.