Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy