I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
