I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
