I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
