i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
