There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i out mim tonsoeep
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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