On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
