you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
why is half of my head shaved?
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