took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
