this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
