mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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