I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
