last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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