I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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