we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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