Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
