Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
