Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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