That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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