I don't usually arrange sex via text message
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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