how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
