You can't special order awesome
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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