He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
