i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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