captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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