Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
