I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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