and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
