i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
