my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
