HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
