I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
