Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
