Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
