Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
