on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
