life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
