her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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