I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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