C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
