Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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