Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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