I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Someone came in the potted fern
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
