We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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