If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
