i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
