You're my little dorito
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
