Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't make out with my wife yet
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize