how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
They have beer where we have blood.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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