If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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