it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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