Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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