I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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