Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
