just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just invented taco cereal.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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