you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm getting married
To pizza
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
