so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
