Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
