I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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