He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
