Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
