Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
